keep dating 20 year olds forever? get in your closet

Nov 4, 2012

for the few minutes that you read this, ignore all the little voices in your head.  they might be yapping on how this is ridiculous.  just give this idea room to express.

for perspective:  i’m 37.  dating anything past early 20′s, not my thing.  staying in that pool of prime time pussy, means having to continue to evolve.  stay relevant.  create value.  women scoff (older ones mainly), but truth is, the older you get, the higher your potential value.  a fully realized (which, rarely any of them are) 40 year old man has way more potential value than any 20 year old competitor.  every time.  while i’ve known what we’re about to chat about, one way or another, it was never really part of my day to day considerations of life bits.

let’s look at how jakey’s been dressing.  jeans, t-shirt.  shorts, t-shirt.  jeans, dress shirt.  stay away from prints and deep-v shit, keep it simple.  wear an expensive watch, done.  sure, we’ve done the suit thing.  and other bits and stuff.  but then, why would i care?  money comes from internets, don’t need to look a part for a job.  girls?  approach, isolate, escalate, drag-off-to-cave.

it’s a dangerous thing, having comfort zones.

counter point.  ed, my always handy example friend of old-dude – who didn’t allow himself to grow old.  he dresses like the young, rich cuban drug dealers in miami. he’s close to … 70?  70-ish.  he pulls it off, obviously all of this post is about nuance that we can’t necessarily do justice with just words.  there’s styley, and there’s ridiculous.  fine line, having to find outside of natural comfort zone, but inside attractive-to-people zone.  ed toned it down just a hair, made it his own style.  it’s current.  it’s sort of subtle.  it makes him stand out, in a good way.

and there’s part of the bits:

to be attractive, you need to be different.  but not too much.

 

looking the same as everybody else is ever the handicap.

a little while ago in monkey jungle, i realized something about my external presentation.  i’m too different.  white skin, un-asian facial features, and while dressed in an inconspicuous way, it’s not how locals dress.  so now we took a little different, and went way, way too far.  if you look a little different, the unconscious procreative mechanism says “different means gaining new strength from new gene pool.  we likes it”.  a lot different says “alien!  alert!  run away!”  jake’s been in solid alien territory.

locals wear long pants.  jeans, dress pants.  dress shirts.  sounds ridiculous for a monkey jungle, but it’s true.  granted they’ve got all the same brown faces, riding around little mopeds along dusty roads.  but they’re all dressed up.  always.  it’s hard to find anyone anywhere who isn’t wearing a shirt with al collar.

young guys, rich kids, the in-crowd, they all dress like korean pop stars.  i know, ridiculous.  more ridiculous, how jake went online and googled the shit out of korean pop stars and their apparel and grooming habits.

cambodian girls want korean pop stars.

now the big problem is the voice in your head, taking this to its logical conclusion.  ”you’ll look ridiculous”, it says.  at least it did to me.  ”clown-boy, watch out!”  ignore voice, step one.

step two, ignore friends.  people resent change, especially unpredictable change in their social surroundings.

after googling the topic to death, jake face went out on a mission.  optometrist.  a lengthy discussion on making custom glasses.  the exact shape, penciled out, debated.  rimless.  after all sorts of debate, settling on 30% blue, for tint.  again, all the head-voice of logic and reason MUST be ignored.  that’s the problem most people have, taking a real big fat solid step outside of what they’ve been doing.  we are social animals, we fear reprisal.  it’s long standing instinct.

optometrist man made some kick ass fuck-you blue tint glasses.  picture in this forum thread (scroll past article) of the man’s site.

then, clothing shop time.  phnom penh is a fan-fucking-tastic place as a man to go shopping.  opposite of most of the rest of the planet, most upscale clothing shops are for men only.  everything is super style, custom, edgy, tailored.  nowhere will you find racks and racks of the same shirt in 14 sizes.  you better be lean.  you better be around 180cm.  there is no simple t-shirt.  everything looks like straight out of NY fashion week.

settled on one shop that looks like a korean pop stars closet.  no duplications of anything. one size, mine.  weird experience, shopping in a place where nearly everything fits perfect, i could have bagged up the entire store, and had an awesome closet set up.  everything, shoes, hats, watches, one of everything, for every occasion.

bonus – buyer guy for the shop is all about picking up the local hotties.  the woman sales chick wants jake to be their facebook clothes model (chalk one up for all that gym time).  i spend almost all day in there.  they insist on taking jake on girl hunting missions.  gold mines.

remember, i’m 37.  forget age, all the shit your friends might say.

time for a haircut, approximating korea-ish style.  shave all stubble.  tight wife beaters with aligator-cartoon-head-drawn-jutting-out-of-pocket.  blue tint glasses.  the ridiculous, tight, white-and-blue jacket.  those tight almost-full-length pants that koreans are so into.  black ones, gray ones, t-shirts with all sort of tailoring done by shops who must be lacing their break room coffee with acid.  taking the edge off staying away from ridiculous colors.  not too different.

it’s a struggle too, letting go of the known of the jeans-tshirt thing.

test driving the experiment with some locals.  it’s straining my will to keep it up.  call up bar girl to meet for coffee.  rolling up, i spot some slack jaws.  the white and blue jacket, the blue tint glasses, the tight black pants.  loud bike.  it’s not super subtle.  not likely something any cambodian has ever seen a white expat guy do.  plenty of rich kid cambodians dress like that.  here’s where the interesting thing happens:

i’m more different in my own eyes, but (counter intuitively) suddenly a lot less different to them.

i’ve got cambodian rich kid style.  now my white skin plays in my favor (koreans, light skinned).  adjusted style to suit me.  cambodians are envious of the white man bigger noses.  having removed the bulk of different-ness, now we’re approaching a territory they are familiar with.  stuff they actually envy or want.  dressed familiar, in a i’m-on-tv kind of way.  the difference went from too much, to just enough.  and if your little voice says ‘age’ … doesn’t matter.  gangnam guy doesn’t exactly look young, either.  his demographic is not expecting a guy to be 19.

the change, after the jake-update, nothing less than dramatic.

local girl bits openly look, keep eye contact.  saying hi results in smiles and attempts at english.  this girl, remember?

i show up at her place.  ”wow you handsome”.  weird, eh?  i suggest we go eat ice cream.  it’s after dark.  ”ok ten minutes i go shower first”.  that’s it.  did i totally misjudge her previous trepidation?  she’s still nervous as fuck the whole time we’re at the restaurant, but she came out.  i was too different before.  now, just enough.  things go too far when she invites me to church with the family for the next day.

there’s this post.  and this one.  time to update all that talk with the bigger picture view of being appreciable different to your environment.  cues of familiarity are necessary to connect to the tribe wiring.  difference is necessary to turn on the we-look-for-genetic-diversity attraction factor.  dressing isn’t about age.  or blending in.  or making a statement.

especially in a place like my foreign-ness, tweaking every last bit becomes important.  handicaps are good for you, to bring to light all the bits one could otherwise miss, or ignore.

could be a whole series, along with stuff like this post.

my suggestion?  look at what your core target demographic finds attractive.  maybe that’s not korean pop star everywhere.  even though, i’m all about this shit now.  look at what ads look like, catering to your choice demographic.  how their idols dress.  google image search, handy, handy thing.  ignore your trepidations.  don’t go for too much middle ground.  embrace it, let your own style seep in, without getting too safe and watered down.  don’t be a clown wearing something you can’t find appreciation for.  don’t be a pussy, trying stuff out.

hard core like jake?  you could add line item of ditching friends time, who don’t fit social circles of your core demographic.  taking your head in useless directions, not adding relevance, not solidifying your proper demographic-focus mental state.  sure, i keep old people friends, and business friends.  other things going on too, besides uni student girlfriend hunting.  but middle aged married couples with a baby?  fuck all that noise.  familiarity and convenience are the enemy of progress and new experience.

somebody is getting crossed off my regular hangout list, in favor of clothing shop buyer guy.  let’s not get sentimental about sitting in coffee shops, talking about nothing.

and careful about that voice in your head.  it’ll point out guys who look ridiculous, can’t pull it off.  of course.  there’s a wrong way to do anything.  also though, consider not only what jealous sheeple mutter behind upheld hands.  it’s all about your core demographic.  it’ll be a whole different game in the U.S. or Western Europe.  being able to carry a style, owning it, not being excessively different.  also, the other nuances.  showing up places with cute girls.  a lot of all this, connected to congruence between your self perception and externalized presentation.  fine lines, everywhere.  don’t let that resistance to change stop you, though.

if i read this post, i’d probably smile and nod and think it’s ridiculous anyway.  i’d miss out on all this cambodian-girl-eye-fucking, too.