Jan 3, 2013
as i keep getting a little older, and a little stranger, and a little more removed from one society or another, i more starkly notice something: we stopped connecting to our own selves as MAN.
all this debate about feminism and equality and gun control and glass ceilings, mostly done by grown up males who are still children. they don’t understand the things that society taught them to suppress. sure, life makes perfect sense as long as the timed sprinklers come on in the morning, and the mailman delivers the mail, and the high speed internet connection is up, and the cop car patrols the neighborhood. as long as the grocery store is open and the paycheck deposit happens. as long as flipping the switch turns the power on, turning the tap makes water come out.
but then what would all these people become, if those things stopped happening? what is left, making us capable to survive, defend our own, claim stakes, define our future? what in us is man, not connected by the umbilical cord to the corporate mother?
what we have lost, or rather what society has taken away, is the rite of passage.
there is some biological imperative there. some psychological trauma, necessary. boy becomes man. it exists in just about every tribe, every ancient civilization, every pre-current group organization. something is necessary to transpire, to tear the boy from the mother’s teet. only once this happens does he realize that he IS man. that he has the obligation, the facility, the honor of building the skills, abilities, strengths of meeting his own destiny.
without rites of passage, we remain boys all our lives.
society benefits from this. boys are no threat to leadership. boys won’t take over. boys will vote. boys will nod. boys will marry girls who fucked twenty other boys before. boys will bow to police brutality, to court orders, to a balding guy with a gutt, whose cubicle says ‘vp’ on it.
we grow up today, never meeting that existential threshold of the rite of passage. boys play with toys. now, 30 year olds play iphone, ipad, i-whatever games still. they play war games, intellectual games, games-games. this is what boys are supposed to do – emulate and practice what they will have to do, FOR REAL, once they become men. but today, this transition just never happens. grown up boys continue the process of emulating, vs. experiencing. a corporate job is not man’s work. it is a continuation of the perceived safe haven of the parental home. rules are set forth, enough money to live is provided. the childhood father becomes the adulthood senior vp. meanwhile, life continues to be passively absorbed through tv and video games.
we don’t even know what we are, in today’s world. it isn’t but by accident, or by some stubborn genetic predisposition that some of us discover that door. that door cleverly hidden, safely forgotten, by coddled western civilization.
take facebook. a giant parental unit, doling out customized validation. who will validate man? nobody. man doesn’t need validation. man needs to hunt, eat, fuck, growl at neighboring tribes, guard his castle. facebook, social media, twitter, instagram, whatever. it is a virtual-mommy. ”oh, wow, you did so good! you look so good! you have friends, good job little jonny!” whenever you meet a guy of our generation who actually sneers at facebook, you probably just met an actual man. good luck with that, too.
consider jake. jake wasn’t a man well into what our species, under normal circumstances, would consider adulthood. jake too was a whiny little sheeple. still is, for lots of parts.
makes some of us angry. unbalanced. subversive. tattoos, subcultures. it’s those who just can’t emotionally conform to the suck, but have no idea what is missing. there is no tribal leader to say “hey, it’s time for you to smoke this mescaline and go out into the desert for a week.” the rite of passage has become lost.
i still don’t know what it is. did i cross it, yet? sort of. but not really. the rite has to be organized. it has to be clear. it has to be traumatic. it has to be shared by others, before you, with you, after you.
game. game emulates being man. trying to, as much as possible, to appear as the real deal. women are tireless cunts because they have no men. it’s like lord of the flies, the dating scene. no parents. there is no man around to say “SHUT THE FUCK UP, WOMAN”. therefore, we have all the bullshit lamented everywhere. you can’t expect anything to change, if the biological balance of man is not present. the rest of game, as some are slowly uncovering, isn’t about meeting women. it’s about becoming a man.
i have no advice on how to fix this. all the self reliance, independence, living in lawless places, i’m still just sort of drifting from childhood to the other side. missing, is a clear cut ‘you are out of there’ – rite of passage.